Beha’alotcha תרל”א 2

In the following section, the Sfas Emes discusses the difference between doing what ‘I think’ is the correct thing and doing HaShem’s will even though ‘I don’t think it’s the best for me’. In particular the discussion arises about voluntarily putting oneself in a test.

ברש”י מי יאכילנו בשר והלא הי’ להם מקנה רב רק שמבקשין עלילה.
Rashi describes the sin of Benei Yisrael when they asked for meat to eat (instead of the manna); that in truth they really had meat, but they were rather looking for an excuse.
וקשה מאי עלילה יש מאחר שהי’ להם.
However this is difficult, what sort of (valid) excuse is this, since they had their own meat? (Such an ‘excuse’ is apparently too obvious).
אך י”ל דכתיב התאוו תאוה.
The answer however lies in the words ‘They surely desired’, (literally: ‘they desired a desire’)
ומשמע שלא הי’ להם תאוה. שהיו למעלה מהטבע. חירות מיצה”ר.
The implication is that they actually did not have a desire, since they were on (such a lofty level), above nature, and free from the evil inclination.
ולכך הי’ נראה להם שנכון שיהי’ להם תאוה ושיזכו לעשות נחת רוח להשי”ת על ידי שיאכלו בקדושה אף בשר גשמי.
Therefore they erred by thinking that it is correct for them to have a physical desire (to eat meat) and they will then merit to cause great pleasure to HaShem by eating physical meat in a state of holiness.
וז”ש נפשנו יבשה כו’ שלא קיימו בכל נפשכם. כמ”ש במד’ בכל נפש ונפש שברא בך.
This is what is meant by their complaint ‘our souls have dried up'(with this accursed manna). They were complaining that they had not merited to fulfill the commandment of serving HaShem with all one’s ‘nefesh’ and as the medrash explains (You shall serve HaShem) with every single part of yourself.
שהוא ביטול כל הרצונות ותאוות להשי”ת.
This means to completely nullify one’s will and all of one’s desire to HaShem.
וזה לא הי’ להם שהיו למעלה מבחי’ הנפש.
And this element of service was not an option for them because they were above the realm of nefesh (a physical level).
אבל לא הוטבו דבריהם להשי”ת
However this is not what HaShem wanted.
שצריך האדם להיות חרד יותר לירא פן יבטל ח”ו רצון השי”ת
Because a person needs to be more wary of being fearful of HaShem in case he will chas veshalom nullify the will of HaShem.
ולא יביא עצמו לידי נסיון אף
שיוכל לזכות למדריגה ע”י זה

And therefore should not bring himself to a stage of being tested, through which (by passing the test) he will reach a higher level.
שזה נקרא לגרמייהו קצת.
For this is called doing it for man’s own sake, at least on some level.
כי מי שירא באמת לעבור רצון השי”ת מרוצה יותר בפשיטות.
For someone who is really fearful of transgressing HaShem’s will prefers simplicity.
[ובאמת כל הנסיונות משום מאן דאכיל לאו דילי’ בהית לאסתכולי כו’ וזהו טובת השי”ת אבל כשכן רצון האדם נק’ לגרמייהו] [And the truth is that all tests are really for this reason that we should earn a reward in the world to come and not receive it free as that will cause us embarrassment, however if this is HaShem’s will then doing contrary is called doing it for one’s own sake and not for the sake of HaShem].