Toil in Torah as bittul

במד' חשבתי דרכי.

In the Midrash: "I considered my ways" (Tehillim 119:59).

The Sefas Emes opens with this pasuk from Tehillim, which the Midrash expounds, as the gateway to his theme: that a person must first reflect before he acts.

בכל יום הייתי מחשב למקום פלוני לדירה פלו' אני הולך והיו רגלי מביאות כו'.

"Every day I would calculate: to such-and-such a place, to such-and-such a dwelling I am going — and my feet would carry me there."

Dovid HaMelech describes how his prior thought and intention directed his steps, so that his feet brought him to the place his mind had set upon.

כי בכל דבר וכל מקום יש חיות הש"י.

For in every thing and every place there is the life-force of Hashem.

Nothing exists on its own; the chiyus (vitality) that sustains every object and locale flows from Hashem.

ורק בכל מקום הוא דירה ולבוש מיוחד לחיות בכמה אופנים שונים.

Only that in each place this life-force has a particular dwelling and garment, in many different forms.

The same Divine vitality clothes itself differently in each setting — each place is a unique "garment" (levush) for the one chiyus.

אבל הפנימיות הכל אחד.

But the inner essence is all one.

Beneath the varied outer garments, the penimiyus (inner dimension) of all things is a single, unified life-force from Hashem.

וזה ענין הדרכים שבחזקת סכנה.

And this is the matter of "the roads" being presumed dangerous.

Travel — moving from place to place — is treated by Chazal as a state of danger, because in transit one risks losing the connection to the inner point and being scattered among the many outer forms.

ומה שאדם נקרא מהלך להיות מושך חיותו ית' בכל דבר וכל מקום כנ"ל ע"י המחשבה קודם כל דבר עי"ז יוכל למצוא נקודה אמיתית שבכל דבר.

And the fact that a person is called a "walker" means that he is to draw the vitality of Hashem into every thing and every place, as above — by means of thought before each act, through which he can find the true point within every thing.

Man's purpose as a "mehalech" (one who walks/progresses) is to draw Hashem's chiyus into whatever he encounters; by giving thought before acting, he uncovers the nekudah amitis (the true inner point) hidden in each thing.

עדותיך הוא הבירור שצריך להיות האדם עד לברר ולהעיד כי הכל מהש"י כנ"ל.

"Your testimonies" — this is the clarification, for a person must be a witness, to clarify and testify that everything is from Hashem, as above.

The "eidvosecha" (testimonies) of the pasuk allude to man's role as an eid (witness): through his avodah he draws out (mevarer) and testifies that all of existence stems from Hashem.

בתי כנסיות ר"ל להכניס הכל תוך הכלל שלא להיות נפרד משורש החיות שמחי' כל כנ"ל.

"Houses of gathering" (synagogues) mean to bring everything into the collective, so as not to be separated from the root of the life-force that enlivens all, as above.

The word "beis knesses" hints at gathering-in (hachnasah): drawing every particular back into the klal (the whole), so that nothing is cut off from the shoresh (root) that gives life to all.

והרצון מהאדם הוא הביטול באמת כל השכל וכל הדעת אל רצון הש"י.

And the "will" required of a person is the true bittul of all his intellect and all his understanding to the will of Hashem.

The ratzon (will) Hashem desires of man is genuine bittul (self-nullification) — surrendering all of one's reasoning and knowledge to ratzon Hashem.

הגם כי מתחלה בא ע"י החשבון והסתכלות השכל.

Even though at first this comes by way of calculation and the contemplation of the intellect.

The path begins with thought and reasoning — yet that is only the starting point, not the goal.

וז"ש חשבתי דרכי עכ"ז המבוקש צריך להיות להתדבק עי"ז ברצון עליון לבטל השכל אליו.

And this is the meaning of "I considered my ways" — nevertheless, the goal must be to cleave thereby to the supernal Will, to nullify the intellect to it.

"I considered my ways" shows the process begins with calculation, but the true aim is to use that contemplation to attach oneself (deveikus) to the ratzon elyon (supernal will) and nullify the mind before it.

רק שגם זה בא ע"י הדעת וחשבון כנ"ל.

Only that even this comes about by way of understanding and calculation, as above.

Even the attainment of bittul itself is reached through da'as (understanding) and reflection — the mind is the ladder by which one climbs beyond the mind.

וז"ש בחקותי שתהיו עמלים בתורה שלא להיות כוונת הלימוד לידע ולהשיג.

And this is the meaning of "In My statutes" (Bechukosai) — "that you toil in Torah" — that the purpose of one's learning should not be merely to know and to grasp.

Chazal explain "im bechukosai teilechu" as toiling in Torah; the Sefas Emes adds that the aim of this amal (toil) is not the acquisition of knowledge for its own sake.

רק כדי שיוכל להתבטל אליו כראוי.

But rather so that one may nullify oneself to Him properly.

The true purpose of learning Torah is to reach a state of bittul to Hashem, not personal mastery.

ולרצות תמיד לבא למה שאינו משיג.

And to always yearn to reach that which one does not grasp.

The proper desire is to reach ever toward what lies beyond one's comprehension — never resting in what one has already understood.

וזה היגיעה תמיד בתורה להתבטל הדעת אל שלמעלה מהשגה.

And this is the constant labor in Torah: to nullify the intellect to that which is above comprehension.

The endless yegi'ah (toil) of Torah is precisely this: bending the mind in bittul toward what transcends understanding.

ועי"ז משיג יותר כדי להתבטל יותר זהו עמל בתורה כנ"ל:

And through this he grasps more, in order to nullify himself more — this is "toil in Torah," as above.

It is a rising spiral: the more he attains, the deeper his bittul; the deeper his bittul, the more he attains. This perpetual cycle is the essence of amal baTorah.

Summary: Hashem's life-force fills every place and thing in differing garments, though its inner essence is one. Man, the "walker," is meant to draw out that hidden inner point through prior thought and to testify that all is from Hashem — yet the ultimate avodah is bittul, surrendering the intellect to the supernal Will. This is the toil of Torah: using the mind to reach beyond the mind, grasping more only in order to nullify oneself ever more deeply.